he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
