I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
