Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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