Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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