I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
