I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
