i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
this boner is exhausting
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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