somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
