Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
