Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
