then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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