Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
