why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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