why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
