TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
