STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I checked into jail on foursquare
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
