Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
