she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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