don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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