We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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