When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
