i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
