I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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