Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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