her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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