Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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