I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
