Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
