He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
