just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She bit a glass in half.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
