So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
another moral hangover. fuck.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
