Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
