i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
