is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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