glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
