Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
