people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
