i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
