omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
