ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
