The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
