Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
