She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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