Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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