the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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