I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
