Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
