we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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