i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
