omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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